I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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