Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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