She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
