people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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