Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
