Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
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Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
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Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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