I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
