I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
