I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
