I got chris browned last night
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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