Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
