nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
