I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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