I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
