She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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