when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
