i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
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