Only a mothe r could love this liver
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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