Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
