he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Randomize
