Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
