Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
