He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
