Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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