so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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