I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
