im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
