that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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