Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i came on her dog
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
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