We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The struggles of a small town man whore
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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