I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
