:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
