I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
