is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
try to milk me bitch
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
