Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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