Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
