I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
