I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
