I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
