It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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