you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
there is glitter all over my balls
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
