I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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