I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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