Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
