She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
