OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
my shit smells like andre
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
