just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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