Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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