found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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