So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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