First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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