you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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