I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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