every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
