i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
