help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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