I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
