Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
