Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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