I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
