i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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