ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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