How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
