fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I look better un-naked...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
