hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
His nipple licking is glorious
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