Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
