so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
