sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
it hurts more in the daytime
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
