pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It's rum buckets o'clock
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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