Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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