I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
