u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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