if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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